Tag: coffee

Happy Holidays: Here's some funny one liners to share.

Happy Holidays: Here's some funny one liners to share.

Well it is the holiday season and you’re in need of a one liner, well you’ve come to the right place.

  1. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  2. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
  3. Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
  4. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
  5. “Hey, I’m sorry but my karma just ran over your dogma”
  6. He told me: “I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me”
  7. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after
  8. When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
  9. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
  10. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
  11. “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
  12. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular
  13. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
  14. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night
  15. Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
  16. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, which side would it fall on?
  17. Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?
  18. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
  19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  20. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.
  21. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
  22. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  23. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  24. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  25. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
  26. Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
  27. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  28. Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
  29. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  30. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
  31. How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
  32. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
  33. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
  34. Why isn’t there mouse favoured cat food? There is fish flavoured!
  35. Is it possible to be totally partial?
  36. Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer
  37. Look busy – God’s coming
  38. On the other hand, you have different fingers…
  39. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  40. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now
  41. Laugh alone and people cross the street to avoid you
  42. Eschew obfuscation
  43. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
  44. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  45. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
  46. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  47. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
  48. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better
  49. What disease did cured ham originally have?
  50. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
  51. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  52. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
  53. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  54. Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
  55. Out of my mind… back in five minutes
  56. What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
  57. So what’s the speed of dark?
  58. It’s not hard to meet expenses; they’re everywhere
  59. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
  60. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  61. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  62. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway
  63. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  64. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  65. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse
  66. Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
  67. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
  68. When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
  69. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself
  70. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
  71. OK… so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs”, what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
  72. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
  73. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done
  74. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  75. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
  76. If lawyers are disbarred & clergymen defrocked, should electricians be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed & dry cleaners depressed?
  77. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
  78. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  79. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool
  80. Religious truths: 1-Jews don’t see Jesus as Messiah 2-Protestants don’t see the Pope as head of Christianity 3-Baptists don’t see each other in the liquor store
  81. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  82. Adults are just kids who owe money
  83. Give me ambiguity or give me something else
  84. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
  85. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  86. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
  87. What’s another word for thesaurus?
  88. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
  89. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  90. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
  91. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  92. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  93. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
  94. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left
  95. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  96. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Fancy a cuppa? Pros & cons of tea & coffee.

Fancy a cuppa? Pros & cons of tea & coffee.

Amplify’d from www.ahm.com.au

Most people consume at least one hot drink every day. The most popular beverages are tea and coffee, but herbal tea is also a favourite. While the occasional cuppa is doing no harm, what are the long-term effects of drinking tea and coffee every day?

The bad news

The most noticeable impact of drinking tea and coffee is staining. Tannic acid creates the dark colour in both tea and coffee which causes the enamel, the hard white coating on teeth, to stain brown. The more you drink, the heavier the stain. Tannic acid is also present in red wine and some fruits.

An easy solution to avoid staining is to rinse with a glass of water after every cup. Water neutralises the acids left in your mouth after drinking, and washes away tannins. You could also:

  • wipe the teeth with a tissue
  • sip iced tea and coffee through a straw, which will only stain the back teeth
  • remember to brush and floss at least twice a day.

The good news

Tea and coffee can reduce the likelihood of dental caries, or tooth decay. This is, of course, only the case if the drink is unsweetened – adding sugar does not contribute to better dental health.

Unsweetened roasted coffee can reduce the likelihood of dental bacteria.

  • In one study1, roasted coffee inhibited the growth of the S. mutans bacteria, one of the strains responsible for tooth decay
  • In another study2, coffee was shown to reduce the way bacterial cells stuck to the surface of teeth, which in turn lessened the likelihood of caries (tooth decay).

Tea also inhibits the growth of several strains of bacteria, including the kind that cause tooth decay. Tea also contains polyphenols, naturally occurring chemicals which can reduce the formation of plaque.

  • Not only does this reduce the likelihood of cavities, but polyphenols also decrease your chances of having bad breath
  • Studies show that the polyphenols in tea also help prevent atherosclerosis, a condition where fatty deposits cause narrowing of the arteries
  • Polyphenols also have strong antioxidant properties, and can protect cells against damage caused by free radicals.

Read more at www.ahm.com.au


Sexie Coffie? That delicious smell of roast controversy, deliberately brewed

Sexie Coffie? That delicious smell of roast controversy, deliberately brewed

Interesting ads from Sexie coffee, a bit out there :)

Amplify’d from mumbrella.com.au
“I find the ad quite hilarious, but I know people will take offence to it. As a kind of pre-emptive strike against calls of sexism, I’m going on record to say that it lampoons males more than it degrades females. She’s a freakin robot!”

See more at mumbrella.com.au


8 Tips for Using Social Blogging to Grow Your Business

8 Tips for Using Social Blogging to Grow Your Business

Quick takeaways:
1. Position yourself as an expert.
2. Share experiences and information.
3. Keep it fresh and mix it up.
4. Encourage interaction and feedback.
5. Use schedulers and update apps.
6. Make your blog the central hub.
7. Link back to your website.
8. Use a personal touch.

Amplify’d from www.inc.com

Use continuous updates and punchy messages to heighten interest and keep your customers informed about products or services which in turn can boost sales.

Social networking. The big corporations have bought into it. Smaller companies, too. Even independent consultants use Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook to do business. It is a great way to get the word out about your product or service. It boosts brand awareness, it builds loyalty, and it attracts and retains customers.

But more companies are exploring ways to get a bigger pay off with social media. The next frontier of social networking and weblogging is social blogging. This ever-changing construct represents a way of communicating for people who like to inform each other about their daily activities and share common points of interest, according to Wikipedia authors Lambert M. Surhone, Mariam T. Tennoe, and Susan F. Henssonow. This is usually done through continual updates that often include text, pictures, audio, or video.

In general, you want to use social media to increase your visibility, improve your search engine results, and drive more traffic to your company’s website, which stands a good chance of increasing sales and growing the business. Social blogging is simply another tool to add to your overall social media strategic toolkit.

Business owners whose companies are at all levels of growth, from promising start-ups to established and mature firms, are looking for effective promotional tools that are also cost-effective, says Gail Z. Martin, author of 30 Days To Social Media Success. “Though social media is one of the most exciting new communications tools to emerge in the last twenty years and can provide cost effective marketing, it’s one of the most misunderstood mediums,” says Martin.

Social media, be it weblogging, microblogging (i.e., Twitter), or posting status updates, is a different kind of marketing. It’s not about creating a sales pitch for your product or service. Instead, it’s about generating interest and keeping your audience current on news, events, and the latest product developments. A social blog is essentially a form or combination of microblogs (short posts) and status updates. Users post content such as short sentences, images, or video links to large groups of friends, followers, or co-workers. As with traditional weblogging, users can write messages on topics that range from “what am I doing right now” to thematic ones such as “best places to eat sushi.” These messages can be transmitted via posting, text messaging, or e-mailing.

Businesses can use the concept of social blogging to provide up-to-the-minute news as they will find the need for quicker, current, and condensed information far more useful to their audiences, say social media gurus. But social blogs and status updates on Twitter and Facebook, for instance, aren’t just limited to news content, businesses also can use these as effective forms of communication to reach large groups of consumers and associates instantaneously to learn about their needs and wants.

Starbucks Corporation is a social media giant when it comes to engagement, including incorporating blogs, status updates, tweets, and forums. When the trendy Seattle-based coffeehouse chain realized that its sales were stagnating and that competition was becoming fierce, it had to find ways to solidify and expand its market share. In 2009, Starbucks launched the interactive MyStarbucksIdea website and corporate blog. While some industry analysts doubted whether the site would catch on, well over 100,000 internet users had visited the site by the end of its first week online. The site allows users to submit ideas for new drinks, food items, packages, even store designs. Suggestions are voted on by Starbucks consumers with the most popular ones getting highlighted.

But Starbucks took it a step further, adding an “Ideas in Action” blog that gives updates to users on the status of suggested changes. Starbucks doesn’t just communicate news and business developments with its audience, but it also lets them know which of their suggestions the company has really taken to heart. Starbucks also has fully embraced Twitter beyond notifying consumers about bargains; @Starbucks focuses on sharing interesting events and music information or brand- and charity-related topics the company would like to address. It’s not a one-way monologue. Followers are not just entertained. They are being engaged in a brand and conversations around it.

Like Starbucks, Zappos embraces microblogging to manage customer relations. Tweets @Zappos are used to highlight interesting facts, and to talk to customers in a way that is friendly, helpful, funny and trustworthy. The Brooklyn Kitchen keeps foodies up to date on events from notices about the new book club in full swing to the next skills knife class kicking off. Amateur chefs Taylor Erkkinen and Harry Rosenblum opened The Brooklyn Kitchen in 2006 after scouring the neighborhood for kitchenware and coming up empty-handed. Today, their homegrown shop is crammed wall to wall with tools for both serious cooks and hobbyists. The duo focuses on providing useful and targeted information in their posts whether it’s through their website, weblog, or twitter account. From videos on how to shuck oysters or saber a champagne bottle, Erkkinen and Rosenblum always provide real value for enthusiastic cooking fans.

Dig Deeper: 5 Ways to Actually Make Money on Twitter

This type of added-value and engagement translates to increased brand awareness and direct sales. These companies demonstrate the effective use of compelling and condensed content aligned with ta
ngible business objectives. Here are some tips to help you make the most of social blogging:

1. Position yourself as an expert. When people are looking for a product or service, oftentimes they will first look for information about the subject on the Internet. In general, blogging is about having conversations in a public space that position you as a subject matter expert. “The type of discussions you ideally should have ought to be answering questions that people out there on the Internet are searching for,” says Adria Richards, Organic Technology Consultant and blogger. “For me, social blogging is a way to have conversations with potential customers and to draw traffic to your site.” For instance, you can answer questions from consumers via Twitter, which is a popular thing to do.

2. Share experiences and information. Social blogging is often used to share experiences in addition to business ideas and concepts. Always seek unique opportunities to share your ideas and offerings with not only your readers, but their associates as well, which will eventually bring in more prospects. Announce upcoming events, awards, and other news. But do it in a conversational tone. Hopefully, your target audience will retweet or share your story. Don’t overlook Tunmblr, which is popular in the microblogging realm. Users can post text, photos, quotes, links, dialogues, audio, video, slideshows and “Tumble” other posts. Tumblr provides the option of custom domains. You can auto-syndicate to Facebook and Twitter. Users can track stats with Google Analytics.

Read more at www.inc.com


Want to get rid of anything? We're moving and can help relieve your garage of clutter :)

Want to get rid of anything? We're moving and can help relieve your garage of clutter :)

Amplify’d from lukeandjonineedahome.info

moving house from our current place in Redfern/Alexandria up into Willoughby/Chatswood! We’re pretty excited and are planning on moving this Saturday the 18th. (If you have some time to help, we will repay you with pizza and beer!)

As such, we’ve taken stock and there are a few things our new place doesn’t have. If you have any of this stuff that you’d like to get rid of (aka have us take it off your hands), or know anyone who might, please let us know!

Unfortunately we’re just looking for free stuff right now, or items that cost the same as a great deal from eBay.

Things we need!


  • Fridge, but we don’t know dimensions quite yet
  • Microwave
  • Washer and dryer
  • Kettle
  • TV
  • DVD player (preferably with USB)


  • Bookshelves & other storage / shelving
  • Entertainment “centre” for the TV & DVD player
  • Dining chairs
  • Side tables, coffee table, etc.

If you do have any of these things, please let us know! My mobile is 0451 634 526 and Luke’s is 0404 255 632, or email or Facebook us. We can pick them up from you this coming weekend, September 18th/19th, or another time by arrangement.

Thank you everyone for any potential help / ideas / contacts. :)

Joni & Luke

Read more at lukeandjonineedahome.info


Henley '08 – Instalment III

Henley '08 – Instalment III

Well, as I mentioned earlier we were knocked out by Cambridge last Wednesday at Henley. Here’s the run down of our last few days at Henley.

After a disappointing loss to Cambridge I went across the road to enjoy a Guinness with my parents, had a enjoyable chat about my plans for the next while… I’m still terribly confused about what I’m doing with rowing, study, travel, work etc – not sure about what I’m doing and the timing of it. Honours or not? Harvard, Cambridge, Oxford and/or Macquarie? Rhodes? Masters? Thesis topics? Being in Sydney? London? Boston? Vancouver? Do I hang around and aim for 2012? 2016? Anyway, that will continue to be on my mind for the next while, so I’ll keep you posted.

We followed that with a trip to the Flower Pot (a nice little place to eat near the start line) where I had a MASSIVE fish and chips. The chips were the size of wedges and the fish was incredibly huge! (photo doesn’t do it justice)

[insert photo of meal]

We get suited up in our macquarie kit and make our way around the Stewards Enclosure and the rest of the course. We checked out all the merchandise, got given about half a dozen free drinks and bought myself a new pair of cheap sunnies.

Dinner was at the Weatherspoons again (cheapest food & drink in the area). Following that we were chaperoned around Henley by this guy we met earlier called Jeremy. In the end Corbs, Cadeyrn and I were led around henley for about 2.5 hours before we reached the only club where anything was happenning. At that point (1:30am) Corbs and me were expired and legged it all the way home to save ourselves (and the 5pounds) for Friday… Cadeyrn stumbled in at around 3am.

Zoe and Ben went into London and the rest of us stayed in Henley. Corbs and I met up with my parents to hire a boat, paddle down to the finish line and watch races…moored right on the course markers. It was really fun! We had PIMM’S, beer, baguette, cold meat, lots of cheese and antipasto whilst watching races… FINALLY A SUMMER DAY!

We spent the rest of the day around the Stewards watching races and meeting people. Ended up meeting Rob & Susanne for pizza & wine.

The big day… after being too exhausted to go out on Friday we made our way to the course a bit later (around 11am). After taking some crew photos Cadeyrn quickly disappeared again and the rest of us went to have Coffee & Cream and English Tea with a Baileys chaser in the Stewards enclosure.

Following our brunch drinks we made our way to the Fawley Bar where spent hours drinking with Mark Beer (my old MRC coach) and his significant other, Kelly. Mark was very kind by insisting on buying us all drinks (and writing it off as expenses for JCBC recruitment). He got me excited about Cambridge which only makes my decision harder… still it was exciting!

Zoe wandered off to get food and didn’t see us at the Fawley bar, so I wandered down the course to find her. I ended up meeting my parents (squeezing my way through the crowds) and we then headed to the Weatherspoons to use the free wireless. Corbs and Ben ended up rocking up coincidentally (I sent Corbs a message but he didn’t have reception) so we sat there for a while having a few drinks.

I then ducked back to the bank of the river to watch Philthy’s race… it was a disappointing loss to the University of Western Ontario (the eventual winners). His race was essentially the final considering how easily UWO won the next day. I quickly legged it across to the boat tent, bought him a sports drink and promised that I’d buy him something harder later that night.

We went back to meet Rob for dinner, then we found out that Zoe was back at the accommodation so we decided that we’d go home and have dinner there. She was pretty upset that she’d be lost again, unfortunately she left her phone at home so once we were separated she was very isolated. Understandably she didn’t really feel like going out so after stocking up on food and cheap drinks the three amigos headed back in to town to hit up the town.

This was the night we’d been waiting for! We got up to a whole heap of shenanigans, met up with the pontoon boys and introduced the boys to a bunch of girls for them to work their moves 😛 — the photos tell all!

I ended up heading off with Philthy and the Harvard boys toward the end of the night. Some van reversed into me at quite a speed… bloody useless driver – my nose still hurt the next day. I bounced back quickly and then had some burning hot nasty noodles outside the sports bar where we ended up. Then I legged it back to Phil’s and headed across to my place after being pointed in the right direction by pommy lass.

I was laying on the lawn studying the stars for about 5 minutes before being interrupted by Ben & Corbs arriving home. So we went inside, swapped stories grabbed a croissant and went to bed around dawn.

I wake up feeling marginally sick in the stomach after Philthy’s beer & tequila concoction complimented by 3am noodles. I soon came to when brunch was served at 11am.

[insert photo of brunch]

Pretty incredible, aye! Our host, Odette, was fantastic! A lovely lady who made us brunch on our last day. My folks came across and we said our goodbyes. We then played cards for a few hours before I ducked down to the course to watch a few of the finals and buy some merchandise (ouch… pounds!).