So life aye..?

So life aye..?

Well, I’m back from down south and really enjoyed myself. It was great to be away and not thinking about anything for the weekend (belated sun/mon weekend) other than what board game to play or whether I should drink tea or coffee, red or white.

Coming back home, and plugging back into the world was daunting.

Being out of contact was surprisingly unnerving (as I was waiting on some answers) but relaxing at the same time.

Being away with a (relatively) completely new group of people was also great.

I love having good conversations! That was a lot of fun.

However, being back home I am aware of how big the real world is.

I am SO excited about going away that when I realise I still have 23 weeks to go, it kinda hits me. I can get down about how long is but also how relatively short  it is considering how much I have to do in it.

I discovered I am very much an action person. Once I decide something, its no longer a possibility but a fact.

For example, each time I have realised that a relationship isn’t meant to be I have broken up at the first appropriate opportunity.

And its kinda like that about going to Canada, I just want to get over there!

Ahhh!

I have so many things I want to do in this life, no idea how I’m going to do them, which ones I will do, who I’m going to do them with or what timeframe it is going to be on… I guess that is life, but when you have that feeling inside (constrained chest, tight throat, raised heart rate, indecisiveness and unrest) it is very hard to just settle for “it’ll all work out”

I’ve always thought that I am a patient person, but sometimes I think I’m fooling myself – is that just ambition or impatience?

I just can’t wait to do all these things, the live them, experience them. To be done away with Uni, be qualified (Masters?), have some good traveling under my belt, get a good career, move back to the northern beaches, get married to an amazing person, become a father, more travel, more family gatherings, meeting new people, living life to the fullest and all the hardship and joys that I’ll have, that I’ll share in the process.

And I know this “in between time” is the most exciting of my life, this time where I will constantly be broke (financially), out of my depth, inconsistent with location and occupation, meeting new people, doing new things, going new places and that is all so exciting! But unnerving not knowing what, and having to wait for it to start (yes, I know it has started but I can’t wait for the next stage: a la leaving the great south land).

Most of the lyrics to this muse song really seem to sit with me at the moment…

“Hysteria” – Muse
it’s bugging me, grating me
and twisting me around
yeah i’m endlessly caving in
and turning inside out

’cause i want it now
i want it now
give me your heart and you soul
and i’m breaking out
i’m breaking out
last chance to lose control

it’s holding me, morphing me
and forcing me to strive
to be endlessly cold within
and dreaming i’m alive

’cause i want it now
i want it now
give me your heart and your soul
and i’m breaking down
i’m breaking out
last chance to lose control

and want you now
i want you now
i’ll feel my heart implode
and i’m breaking out
escaping now
feeling my faith erode

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